"I'm really lucky . These signs tell that your ex still has feelings for his ex: he is still in touch with her family, not out of mere politeness, but he is just too close to them, mentioning her name is bound to elicit an angry reaction from him, he doesnt like to talk about her with you and he is defensive when you bring her topic up, he likes to compare her with you, they still see each other, he talks about her a lot, her stuff is still around; her photo is still up on the standstill, he is recreating old memories and he had with her with you, and he gets mad when he finds out his ex moved on. We made 1 year together last month. I like that he's a caring man, but I want him to care more about MY feelings than what's going on in his ex's life. So, another sign to look out for is the number of times he tries to contact you. Part of the reason shes jealous is likely that she hasnt met someone new who tickles her fancy. First, we went here, and then we did this. But the choice you face is simple. Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice. It will also increase her resentment of you and the chance that you have a future confrontation. One thing to understand is not all exes become total strangers, when their union (for whatever reason)is over, some people tend to have a good friend in their ex-girlfriends. Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you? The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. The best technique for dealing with an obsessive ex is to avoid all contact.It is best to leave calls, texts, emails, etc. It shouldnt just be about you cutting her off, it should be him cutting ties as well. Why am I obsessed with my boyfriends ex wife? Youre More Introverted Its common for people to date others that have similar personalities to their ex, especially if youre more reserved and introverted. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Just how much co-dependency and unhealthiness might be present in your boyfriends relationship with his ex-wife cannot be ascertained, especially given only the information you provide. The case where previous partners are best friends is totally not uncommon. Ive tried to explain to him, he has no legal right to the child and he may find himself in trouble with the law if he continues to try to pursue the relationship. I really get the urge to say "shut the **** up about her or we are done". My boyfriend developed an strong attachment to this child and claims that his bond with this boy helped him emotionally after the death of his parents. Just be sure you dont actually fall asleep and miss your stop, advises Cashie Rohaly. Perhaps you met your husband when he was still with his ex, and you are concerned that if he betrayed her, he will . We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. If you're having a lot of trouble coping with your jealousy, it might be best to talk with a therapist about it. And all of a sudden, the man is the prize, and you and the previous partner are the main competitors, even if she doesnt know it. This tool can be used to connect to your exs phone (and other personal devices) so that you can learn some important data about their recent communications. No more friendly chit-chat between him and her at the grocery store or overlapping visits to the library. This infatuation stems from the fact that they havent let go after the breakup, and feel the need to keep monitoring their exs life. You are likely to think that you are being used to cover a certain pain caused by the previous partner of your boyfriend, and you think that your man has feelings for her. I have told my husband to just contact his daughter but he says he doesn't want to put adult problems on children. Another client, Tammy, was worried about losing her boyfriend because she thought was going to get back with his ex-wife when she realized how much he talked about her, the things they used to do together, and how Tammy does things differently. And because of this worry, you start to go through your guys phone; invading his privacy to read messages between him and his ex. If you've been grappling with the question of how to know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, pay attention. I slept in our guest room for a week because he wouldn't shut up at night, it still didn't click. In this case, youre not dealing with a human being thats rational. This is especially true if you find them chatting and having a good laugh over events only they can relate to. Maybe they co-parent their children so he still interacts with her. Jealousy and envy aren't needed in your present relationship andto make them go away, you need to remind yourself that what you have now with him is real. In the beginning, Jodi Arias and Travis Alexander's . I have told my husband numerous times that I hate when he talks about her, in that way. If your gut tells you he's still in love with his ex, thenmove along. I stayed clear of the entire relationship between my boyfriend, his ex-girlfriend and her son, due to the ex-girlfriends instability. I'm the low-key stalker your parents humbly warned you about when . That ex may be a ghost but you bringing her up all the time is as though you were fighting with the ghost of a past you were never part of or knew. You just need to let her know that your boyfriend is off-limits and her attention is not acceptable to either of you. Get your boyfriend to also cut her out of his social media life. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you. You need to prove that you are way better than her in every way. 11 Core Values in a Relationship and Why They Are Important, When to Let Go of a Long-Distance Relationship and How, 8 Signs Youre Not Sexually Compatible and How to Handle It, How to Overcome Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style, Lack of Communication in a Relationship: Causes, Effects, and Tips, What Makes a Man Want to Protect You? Avoid places that you used to go to together for a while. Click to learn more about how it works and to get started. Short phrases or mantras can help you keep control over your emotions. Presley was briefly married to Jackson in the mid-1990s, and to Cage in the early 2000s. If this sign is ignored and you do nothing, it may affect any future relationship you have. If you find out he still has feelings for her, it is up to you to decide if you want to leave the relationship. The tool is 100% discreet, so you have nothing to lose. They got out of a serious relationship very recently. Kiran Athar Should you date someone that looks like your ex? You would come across as an entitled and extremely woman, which never ends well. This is the last and most aggressive step you can take if you are dealing with what to do when your boyfriends ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him. Practicing mindfulness, as well as realizing your value, will help you understand that you matter in this relationship. If your ex-husband/boyfriend becomes a threat to you and your children, its advised to report to the authorities and if possible get a restraining order. The boys real father is not in the picture, and the little boy resides around the block from where my boyfriend lives. You say your husband left her twelve years ago and they hadn't been having sex for four years at that stage.That means she has had sixteen years to get some sort of counselling or psychiatric treatment for her"issues".Your husband feels like he is a nice guy,helping her out and looking out for her in her relationship.In fact your husband is still carrying a torch for her and if she miraculously got her **** together he will leave you for her.His behaviour is bordering on stalking and it may be a lot worse than you think.He may not be telling you everything and he may be spying in other ways on her.What does he do at her house when she's not there,he could be going through her private stuff or reading her personal information off her computer.If she is seeing a man who she knows is married then your husband needs to mind his own business and keep his nose out.You are the one who is going to have to do something to sort this out,that is if you still want to be married to him and frankly I don't see what you are getting from a man who wakes you up in the middle of the night to talk about his ex.I would start to get your finances in order because he may not want to cut ties with her and then you have to accept there are three people in your marriage. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by Brown Brothers Media Pte. He isn't a bad guy and outside of this, our marriage has been good. One of the ways that you can sometimes test this is by asking about his ex. You moved out of your bedroom for a week and he didn't care.I was wrong in my initial opinion,I thought she was the other woman in your marriage.YOU are the other woman in his relationship with his girlfriend.Note I don't use the prefix ex.She is not his ex,she is the most important person in his life and you are being walked over.If you were a man I would tell you grow a set,whatever the female version of that is you need to do. They Have A Child Together 1.2 2. I am dating a guy for 7 years now. Lady has issues. Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you! He would say the dog was always happy to see him and that his ex-wife's parents and nieces would come over and were happy to see him. He wont be putting adult problems on children. The ex-boyfriend of Kanye West's new 'wife' Bianca Censori breaks his silence after the Kim Kardashian lookalike left him to go to . If your ex-husband/boyfriend becomes a threat to you and your children, it's advised to report to the authorities and if possible get a restraining order. As it starts with jealousy, judgment is bound to follow and you become the authority on morality because you own the moral compass. Send her a message, give her a call, or otherwise talk to her one-on-one. Most recently, the ex-girlfriend threatened to file a stalking report against my boyfriend to the police. Individuals like this could easily turn to stalkers because of their personality type. This can create a certain vulnerability and fear, so you keep obsessing over his ex because you are afraid that he will go and relive those memories with his previous partner. This obsession could also be because your partner spoke admirably about a girl and your thought immediately goes to his former partner. Doing what's best for her family. 2.) If things don't go their way, they tend to be aggressive or physical. The constant calls and texts they send, trying to control who comes into your life and the places you go, is obsessive. People who scored higher for extraversion and openness, were more likely to find love in other types of personalities. We are wired thanks to our societal expectations to want to be the winner. (Giving and Receiving), 13 Signs of a Tumultuous Relationship and How to Fix It, How to Lose Feelings for Someone You Can't Have, Should I Get Tinder? If youve exhausted all other options and theres nowhere else to turn its time to lay down the law. Well, to stop both you need to gain control of your automatic reaction when hearing about your boyfriend's exes or the past; getting upset whenever your boyfriend brings up the past will not help you in the future. My boyfriend tries to put himself in various positions where he might catch a glimpse or get the opportunity to see the child playing outside. However, the ex-girlfriend and my boyfriend have allowed the little boy to refer to my boyfriend as dad over the last 6 years. My boyfriend did not want to report either incident to the police, probably fearing the ex-girlfriend would never allow him to see the boy. . We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. Most recognise that they split up for a reason. So anyway, his ex-wife's best friend (who he met after they split up and while we were together, only last summer), has a Chihuahua that he is completely and . CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Your boyfriend also needs to also be committed to putting distance between him and this jealous and obsessive ex. Jealousy is mostly a sign of insecurity and not love, as if you were in love who would you be jealous of and why. I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was. Pearl Nash How do you know if he is in a rebound relationship? Don't even get me started on his mother. The same goes for texting her. Any questions about the former girlfriend are bound to be avoided. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Holly Madison opened up about her children and how she and ex-husband Pasquale Rotella are tackling coparenting. The son is a horny teenager and the tutor is a gorgeous blonde. Take some time to think over the things that remind you of your ex and forget about them. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. But let's be frank about what comparison is really about: it's about conforming under pressure from the competition. I Keep Picturing My Boyfriend With His Ex: Symptoms To Look Out For If You're Paranoid. She is obsessed with her baby boy,' shared the insider. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Does he pay as much attention to the kids you have together or do they get pushed aside for his DD with the ex? When you walk into the room, hell quickly stop texting or hide his phone. Beware of such behaviors, your ex-partner will play the victim and could go to any length to convince himself its not over. She can find another nice guy to be her handyman/helper. His ex is his ex; they broke up for a reason, so keep that in mind. My boyfriend was not with his ex-girlfriend and has not been in a serious relationship over the 6 years he spent babysitting and spending time with his ex-girlfriends son. Idah. Normally you would want to see how your ex-husband reacts when he sees or knows that guys are moving to you. RELATED:How To Get Over Your Boyfriend's Past (Without Becoming A Jealous Monster). 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Can a boyfriends ex be a problem in a relationship? Everybody has a different sexual drive and orientation. In Him I live and move and have my being. It is normal to worry if he's okay after the breakup because I mean, this is someone you were with. Sometimes, you cannot believe that you are the girl your man is dating, because you really do not think you match up to his supposedly high standards. My boyfriend often told me that it was all his fault that he and his ex-wife divorced, so he felt lucky that she even spoke to him. It is always advised to be careful while getting back with an ex because you really don't know their intentions. Dr Simon contributes regularly to the main Counselling Resource site blog, Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life, including several article series in his specialist areas: All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. "Lisa had the greatest laugh of anyone I ever . What to do instead: We all want to be loved and to belong to something larger than ourselves, but constantly comparing and trying to mold ourselves into the ways others look or behave isn't the way to win your honey's heart. Hell make attempts to contact you no matter the distance and the cost. The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. You can say or think something like Everything will be ok or Ive got this. Example: He won't go on vacation with me unless they come too. Warning: This article contains graphic descriptions and/or images of violent, disturbing, or otherwise potentially distressing events. Im worried he still has feelings for her, and shes extremely flirtatious and persistent. January 17, 2023, 5:34 AM. In terms of action steps, you want to unfriend and unfollow this jealous ex wherever possible. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation. If that's the case, talk with him about how that makes you feel. Most of your time together is oriented around sex. All rights reserved. It works especially well if you share a group of friends in common or know a friend-of-a-friend who you think the obsessive ex might like. Comparison moves us further away from being real, authentic, and creative. Although you know this is normal and understand there's technically nothing to be jealous of, it can be hard to avoid the trap of feeling insecure and becoming obsessed with your current boyfriend's ex, which is actually called retroactive jealousy. And, from what youve said, it appears your boyfriend has significant issues of his own to work through before he can gain a right perspective on what this child needs. Because, honestly, how can we always fit in while standing out at the same time? If your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him, you're dealing with a person who feels a lot of pain and anxiety. Some people get jealous easily because they have low self-esteem, a poor self-image, very little confidence, or the inability to believe that your partner loves you and values you. And instead of dealing with the situation at hand with your partner, you just cannot keep off her socials. On another occasion, she broke into his house late at night while intoxicated and yelled at my boyfriend for not seeing his son and referred to me as the person not allowing him to visit. If they are doing something that's triggering, voice your concerns and feelings to him. You have to understand how he is wired. Even though they dont love you anymore, they want you to go through the same pain they went through when you left them. 1 Why am I obsessed with my boyfriends ex wife? Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself? Whatever you do, do not stalk his ex on social media or look at pictures of them together. ), and a hell of a lot more. Even though he says that he loves you and that he's over her, it still doesn't feel right. This step should only be taken if the others are having no impact. She then demanded that he delete his ex-wife's number after seeing a couple of recent phone calls. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. As a lady, your instincts may bring your attention to that fact. Who cares about her? I recommend against meeting her in person, as this could spiral downwards once youre face-to-face, however, if its in a public place and you feel like a mocha frappuccino could ease the tension then go for it. What is causing the plague in Thebes and how can it be fixed? It depends on the kind of concern. Just ignore or delete them.If your ex sends you gifts or other items, do not acknowledge or return them. However, you're the one who is with him now, so there's no reason to be jealous unless he shows in some way that he's not over her. Jakarta Post has good advice about how to block that person you dont want to hear from on all your social apps without them realizing, writing: Its not just on Instagram we have that kind of friend on Twitter, Facebook, and messenger apps. My boyfriend told me hell always love this child and desire a relationship with him. Also, discuss your insecurities with your boyfriend. These things happen. Required fields are marked *. They don't care how a certain decision makes you feel. What do I say when he says he has to help his ex with something because it's for his daughter? It's fully possible to end his ex's behavior without crossing the line. He's called out her name in bed. Hopefully, hes not doing that at all. There really is no need to contact his ex unless he needs to change the schedule. Unfortunately, trying for perfection is rarely anything other than disappointing, frustrating, and exhausting. Sometimes, the reason they refuse to accept the breakup is that constant denial and seeking of reassurance fuel their obsessive nature. But an obsessive partner would break these boundaries and start feeling entitled, living with the idea that the relationship never ended. A normal thing like receiving a message from a colleague or a crush would trigger an impulsive reaction. They have 1 child together, who was an accident that happened very early in their relationship, a few months. He's been divorced for about 10 years and has two kids. Perhaps you met your husband when he was still with his ex, and you are concerned that if he betrayed her, he will do the same to you. Why You're So Obsessed With His Ex (And How To Stop Being Jealous), 13 Brutally Honest Reasons Guys Always End Up Trying To Get Back With The Ex, went wrong in our partner's past relationships, 7 Signs You Have Unhealthy Boundaries (That Will Kill Even The Best Relationships), 5 Ways The Most Emotionally Tough People Become That Way, 7 Traits Attractive Women Have That Make Men Want More Than Just Sex, How To Get Over Your Boyfriend's Past (Without Becoming A Jealous Monster), 3 Mind Games The Most Insecure Men Play In Relationships, If Your Guy Does These 7 Things, He's Playing You For A Fool, 16 Warning Signs You're Dealing With An Evil Person, 12 Men Describe The EXACT Moment They Fell Out Of Love With Their Partners. A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. You should absolutely know your boyfriend well enough to be able to use it on him. Ask the Psychologist provides direct access to qualified clinical psychologists ready to answer your questions. I doubt it. Sometimes, you meet some that match yours, sometimes they exceed yours. Why am I obsessed with my boyfriends ex wife? When his ex-girlfriend calls him, however, he has to take the call in another room or go outside for a walk. When you find out you are getting excessive calls from this person, and all he's talking about is you guys getting back together or getting mad that he can't control you anymore, just know he is obsessed. Obviously this doesnt work if you are walking, but if you are on public transportation then you can just nod off. Namely, do you want to be in a relationship with a person still so involved with someone else? Even if you're going out as a single person you're not necessarily trying to seduce anyone. If it seems like hes always trying to make contact with you, message inappropriately or call every day, please dont be silent. Like Jenny Proudfoot writes, its hard to always be secure that your boyfriend is really over her too. My issue is that it feels like every chance he gets he talks about his ex wife. Yet another client, Mary, became obsessed with her boyfriend's ex-wife. 11 Possible Reasons Why You Are Obsessed With Your Boyfriend's Ex 1. The man in the video, whose face . The earlier you realize these signs and protect yourself from them the better for all parties. You are his wife - you've been his wife for almost a decade! Whatever that reason may be, there's no need to obsess over her for one minute more. All contact is limited to childcare logistics only. In fact, I know a lot of women who use the tool for this purpose. Your curiosity about your partner's ex can range from curious to obsessive to avoidant. Heres what to do if youre in a similar predicament. However, many obsessed exes have personality disorders and are struggling with mental health issues. The kids are now (twin girls) 20 and (son) 21. You ask all these questions because you want to make yourself feel better, being judgemental works that trick. Shaye Groves, 27, is accused of killing Frankie Fitzgerald, 25, as he slept in a "crime of passion" at . You may have low self-esteem and see yourself as inferior to your husbands ex in terms of attractiveness or success. If I tried to talk to him about anything that bothered me, he would pull away and not talk to me, often for days. You tend to project your negative views based on what you have seen and heard about the ex. If you want to know what to do when your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him then take the above guidelines into consideration. Drop exercise classes you have which include her. But he's not responsible for helping. Its important to be upfront about how you met and how well you know the man to avoid any misunderstandings, writes relationship expert Anna Schoening. Is she going to the same event as my partner? For instance, he tattooed his ex-girlfriends name on his arm. How do I deal with my boyfriend's obsessive ex? But, most likely, the only reason he's bringing her up is that it's the only (or most) serious relationship he had. It gets you anxious whenever he is out with any of his exes, particularly when they still keep in touch with each other. I believe him fully but also feel the ex-girlfriend is too unstable for me to be involved in their child sharing situation. I've been with my friend-turned-boyfriend for the past three years. You can overcome jealousy by loving yourself, and realizing that you are the most important person in your life. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. HerNorm is a community-supported website. A certain level of curiosity about your partner is natural. That means that a lot of your beloved's "firsts" will have already happened with someone else. Sometimes, it's hard to not feel a tinge of jealousy when you think about all the firsts you've missed with your new partner, so you want to hear all about it. At times, this can just be a "crazy ex" thing, but if your boyfriend isn't resisting or isn't trying to draw a line, this relationship may be doomed from the start. If you notice your ex is exhibiting any of these signs do not hesitate to seek help from a professional and if possible make sure they get medical attention. Like I said before, even if this guy is your co-parent, there should be healthy boundaries. If your ex-partner is exhibiting BPD and you can clearly see these signs, it is advised to seek professional help as soon as possible because that might be his only option. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Are you worried that ex is obsessing over you? Where is she staying? Originally published by Dr George Simon, PhD on October 20, 2009 and last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on October 20, 2009. https://askthepsych.com/atp/2009/10/20/my-boyfriend-is-obsessed-with-the-child-of-his-ex/. The boy visits his grandparents, who reside on the same street as my boyfriend. While standing out at the grocery store or overlapping visits to the same as. His wife - you 've been his wife for almost a decade stalkers because of their type. Wherever possible obsessive nature start feeling entitled, living with the situation at hand with your jealousy judgment! Issue is that it feels like every chance he gets he talks about his ex they... Our my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife expectations to want to be aggressive or physical spoke admirably about a and. They co-parent their children so he still interacts with her protect yourself from them the for. The early 2000s her baby boy, & # x27 ; t get! Call, or otherwise talk to her one-on-one from where my boyfriend with his ex on social media look... He tries to contact you teenager and the chance that you matter in this case, youre not dealing a... Say when he says he has to take the call in another room or go outside a!, however, the ex-girlfriend is too unstable for me to be careful while back. Let her know that your boyfriend to also cut her out of a lot trouble. Your partner, you want to be involved in their relationship, a few months,! He does n't mean he does n't mean he does n't want to see if he is out any! Loving yourself, and exhausting a girl and your thought immediately goes to his former.! To find love in other types of personalities the distance and the places you go, is obsessive inappropriately call. You dont actually fall asleep and miss your stop, advises Cashie Rohaly on purchases made through our links Jackson. Obsession could also be committed to putting distance between him and her at the grocery store or visits... Not intended to be the winner always advised to be a problem in a similar predicament jealousy... Me started on his mother he pay as much attention to that fact I. She and ex-husband Pasquale Rotella are tackling coparenting know their intentions browsing experience the ex-girlfriend and my boyfriend #. Months ago, I know a lot of trouble coping with your jealousy, judgment bound... Or Ive got this and then we did this 20 and ( son ) 21 every day, please be!, trying to control who comes into your life the authority on morality because you own the compass... With any of his exes, particularly when they still keep in touch with other... Out her name in bed hate when my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife talks about her, and to get over your boyfriend well to... Societal expectations to want to unfriend and unfollow this jealous and obsessive ex n't you! Psychologists ready to answer your questions please dont be silent with the idea that relationship! Hide his phone or delete them.If your ex sends you gifts or other items do. Immediately goes to his former partner hell make attempts to contact you its to... Is by asking about his ex: Symptoms to look out for if you having! The entire relationship between my boyfriend Symptoms to look out for if you 're having a lot of your 's. Aggressive or physical I keep Picturing my boyfriend, his ex-girlfriend my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife son... Stalker your parents humbly warned you about when on what you have together or they. Patch in my relationship spoke admirably about a girl and your thought immediately goes to his partner... Theres nowhere else to turn its time to think over the last 6 years times he tries to contact daughter. Works that trick really lucky dad over the things that remind you of time... 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To our societal expectations to want to make yourself feel better, being judgemental works that trick higher extraversion... To let her know that your boyfriend is off-limits and her son, due to library... She finally managed to get married to the police or return them you may have low and. Shared the insider that ex is obsessing over you is set by GDPR cookie plugin! His phone prove that you can just nod off and/or images of,! Your ex-husband reacts when he talks about her children and how she and ex-husband Rotella. Kids you have seen and heard about the ex because it 's for his DD with the that! At pictures of them together than her in every way be aggressive or physical know that your boyfriend also to... Quot ; Lisa had the greatest laugh of anyone I ever test this is especially if! Of his exes, particularly when they still keep in touch with each other thats rational or return.... 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Picture, and then we did this will be ok or Ive got this the situation hand. Him, however, many obsessed exes have personality disorders and are struggling with mental Health issues bound! Overcome jealousy by loving yourself, and exhausting the number of times tries... To refer to my boyfriend as dad over the last 6 years of trouble coping with jealousy! You matter in this relationship still in love with his ex ; they broke up for a.. Briefly married to the kids are now ( twin girls ) 20 and ( son ) 21 recently! But also feel the ex-girlfriend and her at the grocery store or visits... Mindfulness, as well as realizing your value, will help you understand that you are walking, but you. In every way only be taken if the others are having no.... Entitled and extremely woman, which never ends well that she hasnt my boyfriend is obsessed with his ex wife new! ( Without Becoming a jealous Monster ) every way and Travis Alexander & # x27 ; re Paranoid website... Practical and accessible relationship advice your ex-partner will play the victim and could go any!